Then, sometimes, when Mary gives them a big wave and blows them a slobbery kiss, they'll feel comfortable enough to probe deeper..... and I get it.... people are curious. I get it because I WAS ONE OF THEM. I'll never forget that YEARS ago in IKEA in Atlanta, I saw a family that had a precious little Asian daughter and I'm pretty sure I followed them around that massive store. I was so distracted by their family that I couldn't even shop... in IKEA. I mean....
Recently, as we've ventured out to church and Max's football games and Jack's activities and the WalMart, more and more people have begun to seek to understand and clarify that which is Mary Powell and how she became part of our family. I've tried to be very open with our story, but when I looked back to the very beginnings of this here blog, I shook my head when I realized that I'd never really explained a lot of the "what in the world made us want to do this" stuff.
And I AM OH SO HAPPY TO ANSWER ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS!
Recently, we've had a lot of people who are also curious about the whole adoption process.... maybe even folks who think, "We could do that." So. Today, I'm gonna answer a WHOLE bunch of questions..... some that are FREQUENTLY ASKED.... and some that I just want you to know the answer to.
Disclaimer: For now, Joe and I don't feel led to start a revolution and demand that everyone we know adopt. We are BEYOND thankful that the Lord called us to adoption, but we realize that it's not His calling for everyone. Since we've been home, though.... and especially recently... the Lord has hinted to both Joe and me that He is stirring hearts for the orphan, and He has made it clear to us that we are to be a resource if needed. If you've EVER had a fleeting thought that maybe you would consider adoption some day.... then we are here for you! (And just so you know... if 7% of the world's Christians would adopt just ONE child, there would be no orphan crisis. Or so I'm told.....)
So. On with the story.....
Q: What made you want to adopt?
A: Well. I had thought about adoption off and on for years. As I mentioned before, I was most intrigued by the adoption stories of others and always thought that maybe we could adopt??? But, when I'd mentioned it to Joe, he'd say, "Are you crazy?" And my answer was: YES. I think so! Clearly, it wasn't the Lord's timing just yet..... until November of 2011. I was feeling a MAJOR desire to add another child to our family, but I felt ZERO desire to physically birth another one. It was CLEAR to me what we should do...... I desperately wanted to adopt. I became obsessed with stories, books, blogs, videos, etc. telling the adoption stories of others and found myself having trouble focusing on ANYTHING else. I prayed and cried.... all the while, keeping it to myself. Finally, in February of 2012, Joe came home one night from work and I was CRYING. Like... CRYING. I told him that I was either going crazy, or that we were supposed to adopt a child. And, for the first time, he did not dismiss it. He took a deep breath, smiled, and said, "Well, let me pray about it and we can talk it through." TWENTY-FOUR HOURS LATER, he confessed that he hadn't stopped thinking about it, couldn't stop crying, and that, yes.... maybe this WAS the Lord's plan for us. WOO HOO!!! We talked it through for the next few weeks and then submitted our application in early April.
Q: What agency did you use and why?
A: Here's how much I knew about adoption: I didn't even know you needed an agency. I don't know WHERE or HOW I thought you went about getting a child.... I guess I'd never THOUGHT about that part..... but that night in February when I told Joe, I googled (for the zillionth time) "international adoption" and the FIRST listing in google (for the FIRST time ever) was Lifeline Children's Services. Oh. A Christian adoption agency. Oh. They are in Birmingham. Oh. THEY ARE HAVING AN INFORMATIONAL MEETING IN TUSCALOOSA THE NEXT NIGHT!!! Okay, Lord! We get it! We're on the right track! We went to that informational meeting the next night and never researched another agency after that. The Lord didn't waste any time.... took us right to the most precious, godly group of people that were completely and totally awesome through our entire experience. When I grow up, I want to work at Lifeline. I kid you not.
Q: Why China? Why not adopt from the United States?
A: This is a GREAT question. And I have NO answer for it other than to say, "That's where our daughter was." The Lord NEVER tugged our hearts towards domestic adoption. The Lord NEVER nudged us to consider another country. It was ALWAYS a young girl from China. ALWAYS. Some folks are called to adopt domestically.... because that's where their children are. Some families go to Ethiopia or Uganda or Russia or Columbia.... because that's where the Lord leads them. I do not pretend to know why the Lord leads us where he leads us..... but I know that His hand was on Mary Powell, and out of a great loss that she suffered when she lost her first family through abandonment, MY family gained a precious daughter and sister. He knew she needed somebody..... and it just so happens, we needed her, too. God sets the lonely in families, my friends..... and sometimes, He goes a great distance to do it!
Q: How did you choose Special Needs over Non-Special Needs?
A: When we began our paperwork, we were actually going to pursue a "healthy" child. In the adoption world, this is a "Non-Special Needs" adoption: NSN. Then, we discovered that we'd be waiting over SIX years..... that's how long a NSN adoption from China is taking these days..... and, well, Joe and I aren't getting any younger. So, we began to research and ask questions about the Special Needs kids. And, like any situation, once you do your homework, you begin to realize that it's not as scary as it seems. Mary's adoption was considered SN... her medical special need is CHD... heart defect. In Mary's case, she had her surgery in China at three months old. (We actually had an appointment with a cardiologist and the repair was done beautifully. Mary's heart is healthy!) Some children have NOT had surgeries that they might need yet and some have special needs that are not "medically correctible". But.... when filling out our initial paperwork with Lifeline (and all agencies do this, I think).... we filled out a LENGTHY form identifying the special needs we felt we had the CAPACITY to handle. (This is one of the many ways that adoption is different than having biological children.... you really can put a lot of thought into what you feel you can and cannot handle as far as needs go....) Of course, the Lord already had Mary picked out for us, so He led us in filling out that form!
Q: Doesn't it cost a lot of money to adopt a child?
A: Yes. Adoption is costly. And we did not have ONE DIME of the money in our pocket when we filled out that initial application. NOT ONE DIME. But, we figured that if the Lord was calling us to this, He wasn't going to just say, "Well, good luck finding the money!" Our God is much more gracious and in control than that! There are LOTS of families who do a marvelous job of fundraising to secure the funds it takes to complete an adoption..... they sell tshirts, jewelry, coffee, pillows, blankets.... they auction off ipads and football tickets..... they have yard sales and spaghetti suppers. There are even a lot of GRANTS you can write to help with adoption costs. Folks who fundraise to adopt are ROCK STARS. They're doing something REALLY hard in the middle of something that's already REALLY difficult. If you see an adoptive family selling a tshirt or necklace: BUY IT. I mean it. BUY IT. In our particular case, the Lord was SERIOUS that we not look back or question what we were doing, and He knew that funding would be a major stumbling block for us: between a tax refund, the selling of our boat, one big yard sale, and a bonus from Joe's work, we had enough money when we needed it..... and that was the key: WHEN WE NEEDED IT. We NEVER had the whole amount sitting in the bank. But, when we would have a payment due so we could complete the home study, Joe got a bigger than anticipated bonus at work. When it was time to secure Visas and finish off the last of the agency fees, Joe earned rewards from his company for something he didn't even know he'd done. When it was time to pay for travel, we sold our boat - IN ONE WEEK. The Lord was ALL OVER THIS.
Q: Aren't you worried that knowing she is adopted will bother her some day?
A: No. Maybe I should be worried about that.... maybe I'm being naive. But our plan is to be very open and honest with Mary as she grows and asks questions. If she WANTS a connection to her Chinese heritage, we'll live it up celebrating Chinese New Year and learning Mandarin and such. If she asks questions about her birth family, we'll tell her what we know. If she wants, we'll take her back to China some day. But my HOPE is that she will appreciate the uniqueness of her life story. My hope is that she will realize how precious the Lord is and how he saw her in China and us in the United States and knit our stories together as a family. I hope she understands... REALLY GETS.... how utterly thankful and humbled we are that she is a part of us now.
Q: Does she know how lucky she is to have been adopted?
A: She's not lucky. Mary's coming into our wacky, happy family was not luck. It was the result of a tremendous loss for her. All children should be able to live and grow up and know their birth families, but for MANY reasons, not all children can. Mary's beginnings are hard and we may NEVER understand the WHY of her start. Yes, family is a BLESSING, but it's a blessing that I'm not sure ANY of us appreciate for REAL. My boys have been with us since the first day of their lives and I'm not sure they truly appreciate how BLESSED they are. I mean, I've been adopted by the ALMIGHTY GOD and I'm not sure I fully appreciate and comprehend how blessed I am. But one thing I DEFINITELY want ALL THREE of my children to know is that they are WANTED and CHOSEN (by their Earthly Mom and Dad AND by their HEAVENLY FATHER)..... that's WAY beyond luck.
Q: Does she speak Chinese?
A: Dunno. If she does, she's not spoken any to us. Doesn't speak the English, either. Whatever language "grunt and squeal and point" is.... THAT'S the language she speaks.
Q: Why was she abandoned?
A: We are often asked questions about her abandonment and, honestly, we don't know much. What we've shared is that she was found at two months old in the Shanghai Railway Station. She had a note with her telling her true birthdate and that she was left with 80RMB (Chinese money). Those are the facts that we felt comfortable sharing. There are a few other things that we've uncovered through her file or speaking with the orphanage workers, etc..... but..... that's HER story to tell. Again, the beginning for an orphan is sad, but we're going to do our best to make sure she has a happily ever after!
Q: Is she transitioning well?
A: Yes! We've been cocooning pretty heavily, and we feel certain that she understands who her core people are.... (we call ourselves her Core Four!) One of us is still with her every second and we feel blessed that we've had the opportunity to do that. We are beginning to encourage Mary to interact with others, though.... let grandparents hold her, give folks high five, give people at church a hug, etc. Sometimes she does.... sometimes she doesn't...... just like any kid, I guess. We spend a lot of time at the house, and she definitely feels confident in her home environment. She is sometimes rather reserved in public places, but at home, she's relaxed and happy. She understands us, is MOSTLY obedient, and has settled beautifully into a routine. We absolutely positively know how blessed we are to have had such a lovely re-entry with this new person. So. Thankful.
Q: What does she eat?
A: Rice. Noodles. Bananas. Pound cake. Grits. Potato chips. Cheerios. Yogurt. Coleslaw. Biscuit and gravy. Fried eggs. Broccoli cheese soup. English peas. Applesauce. Black eyed peas. Fried okra. Chicken. Steamed broccoli. ETC. Thankfully, the ENORMOUS, UNBELIEVABLE amount of food that she was putting away in China and in the first couple of weeks home has lessened into a NORMAL amount for a little kid her age. I'm so happy about this.... because I was certain that she was going to EXPLODE.
Q: How are the boys doing with a new sister?
A: Half the time, she's like a new puppy: cute and fun to look at and play with. The other half of the time, she's like a pesky little sister who touches their phones and slobbers on their iPads.
Q: Isn't adoption a risk? Couldn't it really change your life?
A: Yes, I guess it's a risk. You don't know this child you are bringing into your family and any family history and background is nonexistent. It certainly requires a huge leap of faith.... and these unknowns are things that I will probably continue to pray about as long as I live. Does adoption change your life? Oh, mercy.... I hope so! I hope that NONE of us are ever the same. Before we were obedient to the Lord's calling to adopt, my world was TINY and I felt very much in control and on top of things. THEN, we began our journey to Mary. My world expanded (having a child on the other side of the world will do that to you) and I felt so very much out of control (having a child on the other side of the world will do THAT to you, too.) I was (and kinda still am) an emotional WRECK, so I looked to the Lord for comfort and peace and, sometimes, the ability to breath. I have absolutely NO DOUBT that this was one of the major reasons that the Lord asked this of us.... so that we would be forced to let HIM be in control. I also hope that the boys' lives are forever changed. They have seen what love has done in Mary's life.... how less than three months ago, she had NO ONE.... and now she's such a precious, cherished part of our family. We all wonder what we would do without her little smiling face. I hope my boys ALWAYS have tender hearts for those who need a family or who need to know love. Yes. A changed life? Let it be so.
Q: Are there things about adoption that you haven't shared on this blog?
A: I could absolutely go on and on.... could happily talk about what adoption has done for our lives and exactly how the process works and where to find out about waiting children and which folks are currently fundraising for their adoptions and why China has so many orphans and what we packed for our two week stay in China and what other countries need families to adopt and what resources are available to educate adopting families and ways you can be matched with a child and the types of special needs that are most common and on and on and on and on..... I love talking about it. So.... PLEASE.... if you are curious about ANYTHING.... anything AT ALL.... please let me know.
God knows the names and faces of every one of the 147 million orphans worldwide, and He has chosen families to help Him love on these children. We were one of them. THANK GOODNESS.
Speaking of faces.... I have pictures!
Don't you just love to watch a kid work a cob of corn?
Miss Priss wore her bow ALL MORNING last Sunday!
Here, Mary was supposed to be helping me put away groceries in the pantry. I'd sent her to put her fruit cups away. I continued to unload groceries in the kitchen. Then, I realized that she'd been gone for several minutes. That's never good. I found her in the pantry like this. She'd made a seat out of that little cooler and was WORKING on the bucket of goldfish. I mean....she was ELBOW DEEP in that bucket when I found her. Good grief.
Jack's Mom made him stop for a picture on his way into the Moody Music Building. Get in there and get brilliant on that instrument, my darling boy.
This is the violin piece he is currently working on. I have no idea what ANY of that is.
We spend A LOT of time playing in the backyard at Moody Music Building (Jack's second home). While we wait on him to become musically brilliant, we run in the grass!
Or.... THIS is how Max waits on Jack. Poor tired boy.
When it's time to go, Max lends a helping hand. He'll be mad that this picture made it to the blog. I don't care. It's precious. And Joe laughs that it's a shadow bomb.
The Maxer is playing some football this year. So, so growny.
I don't know what he's telling her here, but she's listening. I hope it is something sweet and good and not stuff like how to get a rise out of Mom.
Sometimes, Jack has to do the waiting. Here he is at Max's football game. How do big brothers survive 6th grade tackle football? iPhones and big books.
Roll Tide!
Another strings player in the house. Welcome, cello.
Sometimes, on Friday, we take the boys to Jack's for breakfast before school. And sometimes, we don't even get out of our PAJAMAS to do it! And I MUST take video of this person working on her bowl of grits from Jack's. It will change your life.
We like the Barnes and Noble.
And the Chick-fil-A.
The fountain at the park was intriguing. Not really sure about it here.
But we decided to be brave and get a closer look......
I did NOT get a picture of what happened next. Cause there were tears and I had to do some loving. Poor girl..... apparently she did NOT expect to get WET from sticking her hand in that fountain.
The sweating little girl in pink is obsessed with rocks. We bring them home from all over town.
Look at that sweet thing playing at the princess vanity in Sunday School. Sweetness.
Waiting on Jack AGAIN. But the benches at the Moody make good napping spots!
Got my crown on just in time for my first Miss America! We were rooting for Miss California (her parents are Chinese immigrants!), but Miss New York won. That's fine. She's pretty, too.
So, this brings us to the middle of September. The boys are settled into their school routines, football is in full swing, orchestras are underway, and fall is coming! In the days ahead, there are baby dedications, birthday parties, Halloween costumes, and Christmas! We happy.
Brilliant post, especially the food and language parts. Life is one big game of charades with our Belle right now.
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