I800 approval.... CHECK!

Last Friday we received a notice from USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) that our I800 paperwork had been received into their lockbox.

Today, I decided to call them just to check on things..... cause, you know..... they probably look forward to all these crazed, tired-of-waiting adoptive Mamas calling them every day.  Anyhoo..... the officer that I spoke with COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE PRECIOUS.   Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  Hi there!  I'm Mikki Powell from Alabama and we are adopting the most precious little girl you have ever seen with your eyeballs.  She lives in China and she is 18 months old.  We totally can't wait to go get her.  Our boys, Jack and Max, are going to travel with us and we all are really excited to meet our new little one.  I just thought I'd call to say hello and that I so appreciate all the work you people do there at the USCIS.  You all sent me a letter last Friday to let me know that you'd received our paperwork.... thanks so much for that letter, by the way..... and I was hoping to see, if you have time to look, how things were going with our approval.  Do you happen to know anything about that?

USCIS Officer:  Certainly, Mrs. Powell.  Do you have your SIM number?

Me:  Oh, goodness!  I sure do!  (reads off a really long number to the lady) You know, Officer, I keep all of these numbers in a special notebook so that I don't lose anything.  Our Mary..... that's our baby girl's name..... Mary Jewel..... is going to LOVE notebooks and pens because her mother LOVES notebooks and pens.  Of course, she's a bit small to actually be able to WRITE anything yet, but oh, she'll love to color and draw.  I can't wait to show her all the crayons and journals that I've gotten her with her NAME on them!  So cute!  Did I mention how totally precious my new baby girl is?

USCIS Officer:  Yes.

Me:  Well, I tell you what, officer, all of this paperwork has certainly made this process quite interesting.  And the waiting?  Don't even get me started on the amount of WAITING you have to do in adoption.  It is NOT fun.  I just want to get my hands on my little girl.  I realized last week that I've only known her face for a little over a month, but it seems like she's been a part of our family always.  I'm a little nervous about meeting her, but I've been praying so very hard that the Lord would prepare her heart for when we meet her.  I sure do hope it's soon.

USCIS Officer:  Well, Mrs. Powell, I have good news for you.  Your I800 was provisionally approved yesterday and should be on its way to the next stop.  Congratulations on your new little one and have a wonderful trip.

Me:  (CRYING at this point).... Oh, thank you so much, Officer!  I can't wait to call my husband and tell him!  We are so thankful for you and your diligence in working on our case and approving it in such a timely manner.  You don't know how much it means to all of us in the process to know that those who touch our paperwork are compassionate and hard-working and efficient.  It makes a hard process much easier.  God bless you, USCIS Officer person.  The Powells are thankful for you.

USCIS Officer:  You are very welcome, Mrs. Powell.


It's a little hard to know for SURE if that was the way our conversation went, but that's the way it went in my head.  But seriously, the lady on the other end of that phone was SUPER nice and GENUINELY happy for us.  We are totally friends now.

And we are TOTALLY approved by the USCIS to adopt our little one and make her our own!

Petition to Classify Adoptee as an Immediate Relative ------- Approved!

I'd tell you what the next step is...... but I have actually no idea..... gotta go check my notes.

I can't even stand it.

Sometimes, something happens that is just REALLY good.  Something that makes you literally laugh OUT LOUD and start CRYING all at the same time.  Sometimes, you get news that makes your heart speed up and causes you to CLAP YOUR HANDS.

That happened to me today.

Today, we got our LOA!  Officially known as the "Letter of Acceptance" from China, this lovely document usually takes between 60-90 days to arrive.  Today was our day 17.  DAY 17!

I can't even stand it.

 Our Mary is coming home.  Well, in 8-10 weeks..... OUR MARY IS COMING HOME!

I can't EVEN stand it!

Here's a brief rundown of what's ahead:
1)  I800 approval:  12-14 days
2) Approval sent to National Visa Center.... 5 days
3) NVC creates document approving our Visa petition and send our file to the US Embassy in Guangzhou..... that's our CABLE!
4)  Contact NVC to get PDF copy of that approval..... send to Lifeline
5)  Lifeline sends this letter, our LOA, and form DS230 to their contact in China who takes it to the US Consulate in Guangzhou
6)  US Consulate issues us our Article 5 letter saying everything is in order.... 2 weeks
7)  Paperwork is then submitted to the CCCWA for Travel Approval
8)  Receive TA!
9)  Go to CHINA!

Um.  Yes.  Right.  So..... if you understand ANY of that, let me know!  Cause I have NO idea what all this means......Except for #9!! That one's my FAVORITE!  We are REALLY happy and hoping for travel mid-summer!

Again.... Can't.  Stand.  It.

If you haven't already, please begin praying fervently for our Mary.  Pray that she will remain healthy and well taken care of while we finish up this process.  Pray that the Lord will prepare her heart for the upcoming changes in her little life.  I think about her all the time and am so filled with love for her that I can't even stand it.

We are coming, sweet girl.  We are COMING!

Time is funny.

It seems like YESTERDAY my boys were little.  They played with Thomas the Tank Engine, watched classic Disney movies, wore matching outfits, and read those Clifford and Pinkerton books over and over and over.

Time has flown.

Here's what I got today:

Sigh......

Now, they play with their Iphones, watch Lord of the Rings, share clothes with their dad, and read Eragon and the Hobbit.

I blinked, and they grew up.

They make me smile.

So while I'd love to FAST FORWARD time so we can go get this person:

I'm reminded to relax and enjoy TODAY.

So, if you see me about and hear me groaning about this AWFUL wait for LOA (our next coveted piece of paper), please tell me to hush.

Cause sometimes, life just goes too fast.

Time is funny like that.

Mary Jewel Powell

 With overflowing joy 

and hearts filled with praise to our Lord, 

we would like to introduce you to our daughter,

Mary Jewel Powell.

She is 17 months old and waits for us in Shanghai, China.

Oh, baby girl.... how we have prayed for you!!!

On Friday, March 22, Joe woke up at his usual 4 am and discovered an email we had gotten from our social worker, Karla, at around 11:00 the night before.  Subject:  Are you guys up?  The Powells?  Up at 11:00 at night?  Nope.  

But with an email like that from Karla, it didn't take us long to wake up!  We emailed her back and let her know we were excited to hear from her (we knew it could only be one thing!), and that she could call us back that morning.  I had gone to bed the night before a little down.  I had no hopes that we would receive a call the next day and the next shared list was due to come out on Monday (would have been our SIXTH shared list).  (I've shared more about my feelings about the shared list in the blog entry (previously written but never published) posted below.  I was NOT excited about it.)

We both headed off to work giddy with excitement, but a bit hesitant, cause we'd been through this before.  We knew this would be a day of lots of prayer and MANY decisions.  

Karla mentioned that she had a meeting to step into first thing, but that she'd send the file around 8:45.  Those first 45 minutes of my day were a blur.  Actually, the whole day was a blur..... I know I taught something about decimals..... but I was a mess.  Right around 9:00, Joe called to say the file had come through.  My students were in the room across the hall, so I was in my classroom alone.  I turned off the lights, pulled up my email, and, with Joe on speakerphone, saw my daughter's face for the first time. 

Oh, me.  I had braced myself to read through her file and discover things.... medical needs, delays, etc..... that would scare me to death.  Like I said, we had been through this before and it is NOT easy.  But my earnest prayer over the last few months has been ONE thing:  Lord, when it is HER, let me feel YOUR peace.  And Lord, I'm gonna need you to make it REAL clear that she's our girl.  

Can I just say how precious our Lord is?  He was so sweet to answer that prayer.  We had reviewed a couple of files before (see previous post), and there was ZERO peace.  None.  But this time?  As soon as I began reading through her file and looked at her face, I felt a peace wash over me that I can't explain.  I was calm.  I was happy.  I KNEW.  There was absolutely not ONE doubt in my mind.  Our precious Heavenly Father had made it VERY clear to me.  PEACE.  Oh, I'm so thankful for that peace!!

Joe and I talked for several minutes, then decided to give ourselves until lunch to pray separately and just soak in the enormity of this moment.... and then at lunch, we'd call Karla and accept this referral.

At 1:00, Joe and I talked to Karla and told her that this was our Mary.  This put us into a flurry of paperwork (the clock was ticking and we only had until the next day to submit our LOI.... Letter of Intent).... but again..... there was PEACE.

Joe went on with Jack Friday night to Camp Transformation with our youth group while Max and I stayed home. Joe is the paperwork whisperer, I tell you.  That boy can fill out a form and have it submitted before I can blink.  I'm so thankful for that, too!  The ONLY hiccup we encountered was not being able to find Joe's passport photo to scan. Passport?  Got it.  Just no extra pictures.  So he left Camp on Saturday morning, raced to the Rite Aid for new pictures, and we officially sent in our LOI for our baby girl on Saturday evening around 5:30.  

 I spent Friday evening printing off every piece of information we'd received on our girl and started studying her file.  I want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about her.  I've memorized her timeline of events, studied her medicals, and laughed over her descriptions.

Here are some things we know about her:

* she has a good appetite

* she is not a picky eater

* she likes to smile at the strangers

* she likes to play with the toy 

* she will "slide" over in her walker to grasp a toy

* she has a round head,  shining big eyes, and long eyelashes

*she is happy if teased or held

* she will wave goodbye and clap hands

* she has strong curiosity (I love that one!)

* she is quiet and obedient 

And our FAVORITE two things:

Her birthday, October 22, was our Log-In Date.  We were officially logged into the system in China on her first birthday!!

AND...

her given Chinese name has the initials JR.... and since we're a family of M's and J's.... we love that she has that connection to us!  

AAANNND....

her given first name in Chinese contains the word "Ryan" in it!  That's MY maiden name and Jack's middle name.  Again, a fun connection to our baby girl!

Once LOI is submitted, it usually takes two weeks for PA to come.  That's the Pre-Approval from China that you are matched with this particular child.  Well, I guess China thought we'd waited long enough.  Cause we woke up this morning to ANOTHER email from Karla saying that we'd received our PA!!  Just three days!!!

So what's next?  Well, we're in yet another waiting room.  This time, we are waiting for our LOA....Letter of Acceptance.  The average wait for this lovely document is 60-90 days.  We'll see..... Once we get LOA, we're about 8-10 weeks from travel.

Oh my!  It's getting good now!!!

Thank you so much to all of you who have been so faithful to pray with us and for us.  We have ABSOLUTELY felt those prayers.  Our God is SO good.  He was good when we were waiting.  He was good when we were sad.  He was good when this all felt like just a dream.  And He is good now on this very happy day.

He loves us.  And He loves our Mary.  

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work in us, to Him be the glory.

Ephesians 3:20

What a journey.

The adoption process is such a journey.  I haven't updated the blog since October, but  MUCH has happened in our world since then.  I hesitated to even tell this part of the story, because I want folks to know the WONDERFUL side of adoption and not be scared by the hard parts..... but then, that wouldn't be a complete picture.  The following parts of our journey were previously written, but I never posted them..... until now.  I have found MUCH encouragement from reading the stories (even the hard parts) of others.... I hope this will be an encouragement for those going through the valley of the process.

WARNING:  This is long.  I mean it.  LONG.

And NOTE:  I need you to visualize something before you read ahead.  Picture a child in a swimming pool, clinging desperately to the SIDE of the pool.  She is THRILLED to actually be in the pool swimming....been waiting for it and thinking about it for a long time and is SO totally happy to be IN THE POOL..... but is not QUITE ready to let go of the side.  Isn't ready to be REALLY brave and let go......

That's me.  I'm in the adoption pool (and THRILLED to be there), but sometimes, I don't feel very brave.

You with me here?  K.  Now read on.....

Date Written:  January 5 

WARNING:  This first part is very hard to share.  I prefer joy and, at this point in the journey, joy was eluding me.  But, sometimes, that's the way God draws me near...... so, here we go.....

Each month, China releases what's called a "shared list."  This is an updated listing of all children in China who are paperwork ready and waiting to be adopted.  Once the list comes out (usually the last week of the month), agencies work feverishly to "lock" files for waiting families. We received word from our agency that the November shared list would be coming out on Tuesday, November 27 in China..... that would be Monday night, November 26 to us.  Although I was fairly certain we wouldn't receive a call that night (we'd only been logged in for one month), Joe felt strongly that we might hear from Karla (our social worker extraordinaire), so he sent out a "please pray for us" notice to all his praying peeps.  Thus began a very long couple of days....

That Monday night began with the usual "sit in the parking lot at Moody Music Building while Jack has his violin lesson and then rehearsal with the Tuscaloosa Youth Orchestra."  Once home and after dinner and homework, I hopped onto my various Facebook adoption groups.  They were LIT UP.  Everyone was talking about the shared list coming out that night, had anyone received a call, etc.  I started getting a little antsy, but still did not think we'd get a call that night.  The boys went to bed around 9:00 and I started working on some Christmas projects.  At 9:30,  Karla sent us an email...."Call me as soon as you can."

Oh.  My.  Gosh.
THIS IS IT!

I was a wreck.  We called her and she told us that she had a file for us if we wanted to look at it.  She started reading off facts:  name, age, birthdate, location, special need, etc.  I have NO IDEA what she said..... Joe was the stable one.  (This will be a theme throughout this journey - Joe:  stable.  Mikki:  a basket case.)  Love him.

We said that we would definitely love to see the file.  Karla emailed it to us within minutes.
Before opening the email, Joe and I prayed together that we would have clarity and wisdom as we reviewed the file and that we would make the right decision as to whether or not this was our daughter.

When you receive a file from the shared list, you have only 72 hours to submit a "Letter of Intent" to accept the referral.  Just so you know, 72 hours is NOT a long time.  So, that night, we stayed up WAY past our bedtimes reviewing her file, talking with Karla on the phone, etc.  We emailed the file to the specialists at the International Adoption Clinic at UAB and our local doctor.  Although we understood most of what the medical special needs were, there were still a few unknowns that we did not anticipate. Then, we tried to sleep.  At this point, we were excited, but I think I was still in a state of SHOCK.  I so WANTED this precious face looking at me through those three pictures to be my daughter, but I wasn't sure..... It was hard.

The next day (Tuesday), we waited on the news from the file review from the IAC.  Joe went on to work and I went to school and did fairly well.  I mentioned to my principal and a fellow adoptive mom at school that we'd received a referral, but that we were having the file reviewed.  I made it through the day and then took the boys back to Moody for my usual Tuesday round of "sit in the Moody Music Building parking lot while Jack has guitar and Max has piano."  I was feeling a bit more confident that this might be the one, but was still feeling worried and confused.  I wasn't sure WHY I felt worried and confused, but I did.....

Around 6:15, our phones rang.  Dr. Jennifer Chambers from the IAC was calling to give us her thoughts about the file review.  Joe was actually at the public library with Max and I was cooking pancakes at home, so we were on a three-way conference call hearing some of the most difficult news of our lives.  ( I didn't realize the enormity of those moments at the time, but now, I get it. Again:  HARD.)

As I flipped my blueberry pancakes, I listened to that doctor explain how the file was actually more severe than it initially seemed.  She said a lot of big words, explained about some syndrome, told of what the future would hold, etc.  I stood in that kitchen and cried until Joe drove up.  When he walked in, he seemed calm.  I did not.  At that point, I was PARALYZED with fear.  I am MORE than confident that the Lord has called us to this journey and I KNOW that He will not give us more than we can handle, but I had NEVER been more afraid in my life.

That night, we prayed and prayed.  I cried and cried.  We talked with Karla and told her our concerns.  She was precious and encouraging, but she also reminded us that we needed to decide something by the next day.  We decided to sleep on it.  I did not sleep much.

On Wednesday, we decided to at least begin the day normally.  Joe went to work and I went to school. That did NOT go well.  I was beginning my math lesson when my principal innocently stopped in to check on me.  As soon as I made eye contact with her, I LOST it.  I ran to the bathroom where I spent the next 45 minutes sitting on the floor talking to Joe on the phone.  My sweet co-workers had no IDEA what was going on with me..... I'd only shared the news of the referral with a couple of people.... but they stepped in and sent me home.

But I didn't go home.  At this point, I was crying and praying and decided that the place I wanted to be was at church.  So, I drove to the church.  But I never went inside (I was a wreck and didn't want to see anyone... just needed to be quiet and alone)..... so I just sat in the back of the parking lot, facing the church, and prayed..... The day was a mixture of talking to Joe on the phone, getting encouragement from Karla, and PRAYING.  Joe spoke with our preacher who gave him scripture to look at and encouraged him through prayer.  (Joe later asked me why I went to the church.  My answer:  It relaxes me. That was a sweet assurance during those hard days.) (And I also realized that I spend a LOT of time sitting in parking lots.....) Anyway.....

Later that afternoon, just before I needed to head back to the school to get the boys, I was sitting quietly when I pictured myself collapsing into the Lord's arms and crying, " I can't do it.  I'm scared.  I don't think I can be a good mama to her."  I worried that He would be disappointed or frustrated at my lack of faith (and maybe He is....), but I so VERY STRONGLY felt Him say to me, "It's okay.  Mikki, it's OKAY.  I have 147 million more little ones who need a home...... let's find you one."

I am crying now just thinking about it.  Although I immediately felt a sense of guilt and continued sadness, I felt such a relief.  I called Joe and told him what I was thinking.  He had gone to lunch by himself and had, almost at that exact moment, felt the Lord peacefully telling him that it was okay, too.  His thoughts focused on the fact that, although we have all the LOVE in the world to care for this little girl, we might not have the CAPABILITY to be what is best for her.  So, together, we decided to decline the referral.

This was, without a doubt, the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life.

We called Karla (who was so precious and understanding.... can't say that enough!) and then I went to get the boys.  When Jack got in the car, he noticed that I'd been crying.  He sweetly asked if she was the one.  I shook my head no.  When Max got in the car, I explained to them everything that had happened that day.  They don't often see me cry, so I think they knew how hard this had been for us.  They were quiet and then Jack asked, "So, if you left school, where have you been all day?"
Me:  "Sitting at church."
Jack:  "Doing what?"
Me:  "Praying."
Jack:  "You prayed for 5 hours?"
Me:  "Yes."

In one of our conversations with Karla, she called this a "refining referral."  Refining is never easy.  I still feel a strong sadness when I think about that little girl and will continue to pray that she finds a family that can welcome her without fear or hesitation (feel free to join me in praying for her!)  I also feel a sense of guilt that maybe I didn't trust enough or have enough faith.  And, since those 48 hours in November, I've felt a sense of just "going through the motions".... I have felt extremely distracted and have had to FORCE myself to focus on the people and events going on around me.... school projects, concerts, Christmas activities, etc.  I have had to be very intentional about each day. Refining indeed.

But the Lord loves us.  He has nothing but good things in store for us.  And Mary is waiting.

FAST FORWARD..... Date Written:  FEBRUARY 27

On Monday, February 26, we experienced our FIFTH shared list night.  I do not enjoy shared list night.  I am always a bundle of nerves, jump every time the phone rings, and can't think straight.  We did not get a call Monday night.... I went to bed a bit blue.....

BUT:  On Tuesday morning around 8:30, Joe calls me at school.  Joe NEVER calls while I'm teaching, so I answered my phone.  Joe:  "Karla sent us an email!  We have to call her at 9:00."  That was all the teaching I did that day.  I zipped down to my principal's office, explained to her what was going on, and then we called Karla. She had another file for us to look over.  This particular file was a little outside our listed needs that we felt we could handle, but we were so happy to be POSSIBLY about to see Mary's face that we said to send the file.  All day on Tuesday, we were cautiously optimistic.  After what went down in November, I wasn't allowing myself to fall totally in love just yet and I knew there were still some questions that were unanswered in her file.  Lots of questions, actually.  So, Karla suggested we ask for an update from the orphanage.  This would, of course, come in overnight since they are so many hours ahead, but we planned on talking with Karla again the next morning.

Wednesday morning, Karla checked in with us and said that a VIDEO had been sent to answer some of our questions.  We couldn't believe it!  A video!  Joe was at work and I had decided to take the day off to work through this referral. We were on the phone together and waited an ETERNITY for the video to load, then we watched it together.  And were silent.

Capacity.  Once again, we had to have a real, hard, honest discussion about what our capacity was in this adoption process.  In the adoption POOL, some people dive head-first into the deep end and LOVE IT.  It's scary, but they are brave.  Some venture out into the water with careful consideration, but complete trust.  That's Joe.  Some folks, like me, are happy to be in the pool, but don't feel as brave.  You see me clinging to the side of the pool?  Yep.  Scared.  To.  Death.

I can't say this enough:  I'm THRILLED to be following the Lord's nudging to adopt.  But sometimes, my cautiousness and fear take over.  And that's hard.  But it's human, I guess.  Throughout that day, I COULD NOT get a peace about that file.  I couldn't explain my thinking so that it made ANY sense, I just knew this wasn't our girl.  That day, for the second time, we made the awful, terribly difficult decision to decline the referral.

I am learning lessons.

 I am learning to pray and cling to Scripture WAY more.  You need a verse on adoption, waiting, and, after today, fear?  Come see me and my little Vera Bradley notebook.  Cause I've got then ALL written down.

I'm learning that when God calls you to do something, there is GREAT peace that comes with that obedience.  But, that doesn't mean the journey will be easy.  I am THRILLED that the difficulties that we're encountering on this road are bringing me closer to my Savior.  He's saved me once and he'll keep pulling me out from under the waters of adoption when I feel myself slipping under.

I'm learning that my husband is calm and brave and my children are patient and compassionate.  They have all watched me have some EPIC meltdowns in the last few months and have loved on me and fixed their own meals a few times and done homework without being asked to.....

And I'm learning that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.  They will rise up on wings as eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.

I am claiming those promises.

Because we continue to wait.......

Powells, take one step forward.

Today we got word that we were LID (log-in-date) on October 22!  When I talked with our social worker on the phone (again, this woman's patience knows no bounds.....), she said,

"We are now actively pursuing a child for your family."

Did you hear that?  Should I type it in all caps so it's more clear?
"WE ARE NOW ACTIVELY PURSUING A CHILD FOR YOUR FAMILY."

I like that.  I like that VERY much.

This part of the process seems to take a while, and CLEARLY, I'm not good at things taking a while.  This last round of WAITING took 7 weeks and I didn't do so good.  SEVEN WEEKS.

This next part can take 3-6 months.  THREE TO SIX MONTHS.

I will not email our social worker every day.  I will not email our social worker every day.  I will not email our social worker every day.

I will not.

I probably will not.

I might.

But I will enjoy knowing that the next time something REALLY good happens in this journey, it will have a face to go along with it.

I like that, too.  I like that VERY much.

NOW I believe them.....

I have a rule on Facebook:  no posts unless they will entertain and spread some joy.  No posts to complain about stuff.  No grumblings about to-do lists and things that make me mad. No joy?  No post.  And that also applies to this blog.  Most of the time.....

Since we decided to adopt, I've become MILDLY addicted to reading the blogs of people going through this process.  I spend a LOT of my spare time checking on their timelines or crying at their pictures or reading about their "gotcha" day.  I feel like I KNOW these people.... even though I've never met a single one of them.

But I must admit, when they ALL began to whine and complain about how hard the WAIT is in the adoption journey, I thought to myself, "Those people are wimps."  I wondered why on earth people would take up space in the blogosphere with such moaning and groaning and pity-party attitudes.  I declared to anyone who would listen that, "If the Lord has called you to adopt, you gotta trust His timeline.  ENJOY the JOURNEY.  Use those times in between the "documentable" moments to learn patience and to grow."  I even penned a few eloquent words for this very blog, which I never actually posted........ here's a snippet....

(written on Monday, October 15)....(but never posted....)

So, my goal as the Lord has us WAIT (bleck!).... is to keep things in perspective.  My goal is to ENJOY THE JOURNEY.  Repeat after me:  ENJOY THE JOURNEY.  Not just the adoption journey..... the LIFE JOURNEY.  Enjoy the music lessons and the math posters and studying for spelling tests in the big bed.  Enjoy the conversations in the car and the decisions about Halloween costumes and the discussions about the Presidential debates.  Enjoy the tweets and the Facebook posts and the YouTube videos sponsored by your people. Enjoy these days of dreaming about who our little girl will be and what her voice will sound like and how I gotta learn how to make piggy tails.

ENJOY THIS MOMENT.

Who wrote that?  Me.  And I still believe that.  I agree with every word I said. (No I don't.... not really.)  (Well, most of it.....) (I agree with ALL of it.  I DO.)

What prompted such an eloquent oration?  THIS:

(also written on October 15)

Joe declared his glee at a response to an email that we got last night.  And I don't know that it was so much the RESPONSE we got, but my email that prompted it.  I MIGHT have been a bit dramatic in my email to our social worker.  I MIGHT have told her to "call China and tell them to LOG US IN."  I MIGHT have given her the slight notion that I'm a bit impatient and would like to just please skip all this waiting and just go pick up my daughter tomorrow.  She MIGHT not ever read an email from me ever again.

Joe and the boys have now laughed at me for the last 24 hours at my moment of craze.

Well, well, well...... who's grumbling now?  And I would have published that darn post, too..... if Joe hadn't told me to just "think about it....."

Well, I've thought about it.  For a WEEK.  So, here's a bit more...... you want more?  Cause I got more.

(Yep.... same post from Oct. 15.....)

But waiting is hard.

It is.

And sometimes life is hard, too.

Sometimes your status on Facebook doesn't end with a smiley face.  Sometimes your answer to, "How are you today?" ISN'T "I'm fine."  Life is busy and people get tired and some folks are sick.....and on and on and on.  The title of this blog is "Think You Can Hold Up?"...... and sometimes, that's a tricky question.

I know.  I know.  

I have become one of THOSE people.  But NOW, I BELIEVE THEM.

So, welcome to my pity-party.  

Facebook/blog rule:  BROKEN.

We did receive a call from our social worker on Friday (I was so glad to hear her voice and know that I didn't scare her off completely)...... she was precious and encouraging....... 

So, the UPDATE is:

We are waiting on LID.  (That's LOG IN DATE).... This is supposed to happen 3-4 weeks after you are DTC (Dossier to China) (which we were on September 7)...... 

Are you doing the math in your head?  Cause we've been waiting more than 3-4 weeks...... thus, my recent meltdown.

But, our social worker superhero figured out the problem.... something about a "wire verification"..... and it's all fine.  We should have LID any day now.

Do I still check my inbox like a hundred times a day?  Yep.

Does this knowledge make it any easier to wait?  Nope.

But it's okay..... cause I also wrote THIS:

(you got it.... October 15)

Cause I sometimes worry that I'm missing it.  I'm missing the joy of each day cause I'm flustered or hurried or writing bizarre emails to our social worker.  I don't want to miss anything.  If the Lord speaks in a still small voice, then He surely is present in our still small moments.  I've just got to calm down long enough to soak Him in.

And there you have it.

Operation CALM DOWN is ON.